SCIENCE! Movie: Uncle Sam

[mario]

Makin' a thread on time this time! Hooray for me!

Ultimately, this movie inspired a great deal of confusion in me. I enjoy a good zombie flick as much as the next good-zombie-flick-enjoying person, but too many questions arose with this patriotic flick. What conditions led to Sam becoming one of the undead? Why was the blind kid psychic? How did the kid grow to like his uncle so much, when he grew up his entire life amidst two women who couldn't be happier that he was dead? How come two cannonballs were able to kill him when friendly fire and an exploding helicopter didn't do the trick? Why was Issac Hayes in this movie? Why did the Netflix summary suggest that Sam only targeted those who were un-American, when he clearly killed the two soldiers that found his wrecked helicopter and seemed to genuinely want to identify him and put his body to rest with full military trappings? Who let the jerk teenager sing the National Anthem and participate in the potato sack race? These questions need answers, and since Jon is such a big fan of this movie, I'm hoping he can provide them.

Ultimately, I'm looking forward to next week's Independence Day for the SCIENCE! movie that really fills you with cheesy American pride, but this was an overall enjoyable watching experience.

[Apathy]

Sam became undead through the power of hatred.

Blind people are always psychic in these movies. It's to make up for the fact that they poked their eyes out with a stick in their youth.

The kid grew to like his Uncle so much because he was a jerk that thinks war is cool.

The cannonballs were magical.

Isaac Hayes was in this movie because his career is pretty much at rock bottom.

Net-Flix obviously didn't watch this movie otherwise they would have realised that Sam is a complete bastard.

The jerk teenager was allowed to do stuff because the people of the town are retarded. You should have noticed that much at least.

And I'm not that big a fan of this movie. But it's about a thousand times better than the trainwreck that is Independence Day. It has execution by fireworks and a wacky sack race.

[Stef]

OK, but if hatred made him rise from the dead, why did cannonballs make him re-die? My theory during this movie was that the cannonballs were patriotic weapons, and since he seemed to be raised from the dead by bits of burning Old Glory falling into his open grave, maybe patriotic items were the key.

Then Mario pointed out that he was clearly killing good soldiers over in Kuwait after his 'death', so what did the flag-burning scene really do besides provide an introduction to the asshole teenager?

[Apathy]

It got a flag burnt.

Because that's what you do with flags. Unless you're using them as a curtain.

And the cannonballs worked because they had more hatred than he did. Cannonballs hate anything that gets in their way because a cannon ball has only one goal: to fly for as far as it possibly can. They love the feeling of weightlessness it gives them because they spend the rest of their time stuck on the ground all heavy and shit. Anything that hinders their progress causes their absolute hatred to burst out of them, subsequently destroying (or at least severely damaging) said obstacle.

Sam was just pissy because he got shot and he was a jerk. Having killed a whole bunch of people in an amusing and bloody way, his rage had subsided somewhat, leaving him unable to compete with the combined hatred of a giant chunk of metal.

[mario]

For some reason, I have no qualms whatsoever with that assessment. Go Jon!